One of the spoilsports in relationships is unrealistic expectations. It is natural in a relationship for people to have certain expectations from each other. While the expectations should be clarified in healthy communication with each other, we should also remember the length that the partner can go to meet those expectations. Often, unrealistic expectations can ruin a relationship. “Unmet relationship expectations can make us feel highly anxious and act out in insecure ways. Maybe you argue more than you would with anyone else. Maybe you cry or sulk. Maybe you do something to annoy your partner to punish them for hurting you. Whatever you do though isn’t making the situation better. And then, you also have doubts about your relationship,” wrote Relationship Coach Marlena Tillhon.
Here are some of the unrealistic expectations that can lead to unnecessary conflict and breakup:
Spending time together: one of the biggest mistakes we make in a relationship is thinking that the partner should want to spend all their time with us. However, that can lead to frustration very easily. It is important for people to have circles where the partner is not a part of. This can keep the balance in the relationship.
Disagreeing on important topics: It is a myth that we should be with the person who is exactly like us. We can always disagree on important topics or have different perspectives on things – as long as we learn to share the perspectives with respect and clarity, it cannot affect the health of the relationship.
Priorities: This is an unrealistic expectation to think that the partner should always prioritise us before anything else. While relationships are an important part of a person’s life, they may also have a lot of other things that are important to them.
Mind reading: Expecting the partner to always know what we want, what we need, why we are angry, why we are sad or what we are thinking is a toxic thing to think in a relationship. With clear communication, we should be able to share such emotions with them.
Getting hurt: An ideal relationship is not the one where the partners don’t end up hurting each other, but the one where they know how to address conflicts, grow and heal together.